i say it`s just for kicks.

those california travel commercials make me want to go from one coast to the other. i’d like to visit, for a long time. there are lots of things in california i’ve wanted to see (america rocks!), and i have some family on that side (including my mommy!). maybe i’ll go soon. then again, i’ll feel intimitaded being myself because everyone there seems rich, not as down to earth as i’d like. maybe i’m wrong, and it’d be nice.

jack’s mannequin has a video out (”the mix tape”)! who would have warned me about that? if you look at before and after pictures of andrew mcmahon, he looks like a completely different person. you know, i’m so glad he was able to continue with his career. something corporate has my heart! i think he was the center of something corporate, so wherever he goes now and in the future, i’ll still trace him back to my eleventh grade self, rocking out in the shower. (btw, jack’s mannequin will have a concert in o-town when i’m gone- go see them, i know it will be worth it!)

anyways, i’m here to say the following, really: i had a dream. many dreams, actually. in the first one, i was me, and my boyfriend was following me around. i was in my father’s house, and it was my birthday. he gave me a large sword as my gift, and then he told me about having to buy the girliest sword holder in the store for me. i thought it was unexpected, but i said i like things like swords, things that calm me down because they require patience to wield.

another dream had me as a writer, and i was sitting at a desk choosing situations and people. i was transported to my story: i was an english girl living near the sea with her large family. i looked like the girl from the jane eyre movie (did you know she was french?). my mother (not my real mother, but some tall white woman) said i could choose wherever i wanted to take my baths forever, and i was suddenly on an impossible wall a quarter of a mile away from a rocky beach, and i was facing a very deep, very dark sea. very british, i think. my mother was next to me, saying this is what i chose, and i had to bathe there. i was frightened, because of the depth and drowning, and what could be in the water. she said she would hold my head down as i went it. so, i plunged in. very “the piano.”